Kakavian Ramblings

            When Sean, the editor of this newspaper, asked me to write an opinion piece, I was to be blunt, a little surprised. The Advocate? Really? What does a mostly “Green” tending towards left of liberal paper want with a semi-conservative Libertarian on their opinion pages? Balance. Its something that seems all too absent within our nation these days. In these days of “red states” and “blue states” we don’t seem to be looking for balance either. We want only what we want. Anything that doesn’t already conform to our predicted concept of the world is anathema, nasty, just plain bad.

            This whole country was created with the concept of balance in mind. You can see it in the balance of power designed into the Constitution, a document that seems to be out of fashion these days. Our legislature is balanced into different representative types; one for representation by population, and one that treats every state equally. This is so the states with larger population can get their voice heard in the House, but they cannot drown out smaller states in the Senate. Balance. Our Legislature controls the money of our nation, and creates its laws, but has to depend on the Executive branch, also known around here as “the Administration,” to actually enforce it. While sitting over them all is the Judicial Branch, which is supposed to play arbiter and referee between the two, and remind them, “Now you can’t DO that you nitwits.” Unfortunately for our system, we have allowed one of the branches to gain too much momentum, and balance has been lost.

            For Humboldt, our fair nation within a nation, there exists balance with our extremity. OK, Steve, you are thinking, what crap are you spouting now? You just tried to give me a history lesson and my head hurts, and it’s only the first article. Balance in extremity means that there is competition for your head and your heart. We have our dear Pinko Tree Hugging Extreme Environmentalists on one end, and our Flag-Waving Gun-Toting, God and Country types on the other. Both of which happen to live HERE. Now if you happen to belong to, identify yourself as, etc, one of these groups, don’t get all offended, I am simply using appropriate identifiers so that the people at the other end will know who I am talking about. Of course this iconic simple-minded representation doesn’t cover the myriad of folks in between. But that is where the balance I am talking about lies. We NEED our extremists to help keep us both humble and sane. We need Environmental types to remind us of what can happen when corporate greed runs rampant, and to help us preserve some of the beautiful places in the world.  We NEED our God and Country types to remind us that there is value in human life and that humanity isn’t just a virus placed upon the face of the planet. We also need to be reminded now and again, that the folks at the “other end” are not necessarily the enemy. They have just as much right to think as they do as you do, even if you think they are wrong.

 My wife, who has her own distinct political opinions, so don’t hold her accountable for anything that I say, put it very well in describing California’s need for balance. She likened our state’s knack for voting in Republican Governors when we are a mostly Democratic state to having firm hand on the wheel keeping pressure to the right, so we don’t just all turn left into the ocean. (Not a direct quote, most of what she actually said this paper can’t print.) It is however, a prime example of how we attempt to keep ourselves balanced.

            If all we get is one perspective making our decisions, who corrects us when we make a mistake? Balance, people, balance. The Republicans, the Democrats, none of them are inherently evil, they just have a different view of how the world works. The funny thing is they are both right about some things and both wrong about some things. The Greens, the Libertarians, the Socialists, we help provide that balance as well, doing our best to make sure issues not addressed by the “Big Two” are discussed, even if on a small scale.

            As I write this article the football season is winding down. One of the two teams from the Super Bowl is in a victory parade, and the other is sitting at home dreaming of “next season.” For some though, there will be no “next season.” For one reason or another, be it graduation, injury, or just being tired, many players will have played in their last game. Same goes for some coaches. I, myself, may be absent from the field next year.

            Why do people coach? That is a question I ask myself as I look at the possibility of not standing on a sideline somewhere next season. NFL coaches, you look at the money they make, and it makes sense. Even many college coaches make a decent living. High School coaches? Not so much, unless you live in Texas or Pennsylvania. Youth coaches don’t make a dime, so what is the motivation there?

            Many of the men and women who coach at the high school and youth level are dedicated parents. Some are former college or high school players who just want to give back to the game. I happen to fall into that category. I just love the game of football. I would rather coach a losing game of football than win a gold medal in figure skating. (No offense to figure skaters…just not my thing.) I’ll watch football anywhere anytime. I’m such a junkie I’ll watch Kent State play South Florida just to try and learn some new plays.

            Coaching can be a thankless proposition, however, at any level. At the Youth or High School Level it can be particularly exhausting at times. Lots of well meaning but misguided fans wonder why you aren’t throwing the ball forty times a game like they see on Sunday TV. Loving parents wonder why their child isn’t the starting QB, why he is sitting on the bench for most of the game. Why we, as coaches, don’t think their son is the greatest thing since the forward pass. My usual response to most of them is that I have twenty to thirty kids to worry about not just one. But that belies the truth, because I do care about that kid, I just have a different perspective.

            Plus there is the added weight of time. You spend at least as much time off the field as you do on, with watching films, scouting (when you can), scripting, designing plays, researching drills. You end up spending a lot of time off the field trying to make things on the field better. I am lucky in that my wife has been a patient “football widow.” Not every wife/partner is as understanding. Some of them just don’t like football. Some become jealous of the involvement. No woman (or man if you are a woman) likes to feel like second fiddle for several months out of the year. Smart coaches learn to suck up when the season is over, and to remember to take their wife on at least a couple of dates during the season.

Then there is a coach’s win/loss record. It doesn’t matter if you have a gifted team or a bunch of unathletic misfits, every year is a championship year for some folks. With the added pressures of scholarships and the “NFL Example” many parents expect you to be winning every game. They seem to forget that there are always eleven other players on the other side of the ball and a coaching staff that is at least as smart as yours on the other sidelines trying to prevent exactly that. A coach’s win-loss record is not entirely up to him. His players’ dedication and talent are factors. The relative strengths of the other teams in the league or conference are factors. And last but not least, the support the team receives is a factor. An experienced coach tries to use his abilities to mitigate or improve the odds on these variables, but not everything is within his power; try as he might. As a coach I have had good years and bad, and been beaten by men both smarter than me and …not. I have had games where I beat opposing teams by my sneaky smarts, and I have won games where I have just plain been lucky and my players have made things happen. But I took the blame when we lost, and let my players take the accolades when we won.

But teams aren’t always about the wins and losses. Sometimes there are other victories. One of the best teams I ever coached was 0-9 on the field, but learned so much and made such vast improvements that they still stick with me today as an example of a team with the most heart. Physically beaten down, losing 50+ to not much, and they kept hitting, and tackling and making that other team pay for every yard. They learned to work together to become something greater than themselves individually. They became a team.

So let’s see, I get second-guessed all the time, I don’t make any money (in fact I usually spend quite a bit), I don’t get to take much credit, and I get all the blame. So why do I do this again? That tired stock answer, the kids. I don’t mean to parade it out there like some cliché announcement, but it is why I do what I do. Its not just some general warm fuzzy feeling I get. There are individual stories and lives that I get to be a part of as a coach. There have been kids that I was proud of and there have been kids that broke my heart, and some that did both at different times.  I have had the honor of having former players coach for me, bringing around full circle the wheel of this game. My wife jokes about the fact some players still stiffen up and look nervous around me years later. In many regards it’s the respect that these former players of mine show me that sticks with me the most. In the course of a season we often spend more quality time with these young men than their parents. We are father confessor, teacher, role model, force of discipline. Sometimes we have no idea of the impact we have until years later. Sometimes we have have to wait to see how things unfold. 

There are so many stories in fourteen years plus of coaching. I love seeing how the young men I coach grow up into men, and sometimes getting to help them get that way. Some have defied my expectations. Jacob, who I butted heads with as a young man, and honestly didn’t think would amount to much, went on to a solid football career, and now has jumped into that most exciting adventure, fatherhood. I am happy to say I was wrong. Some have lived up to their potential, such as Travis and Adam, who both have become men I am proud to say I know. Others have gone paths that despite my best efforts, I either feared they would, or made mistakes I would have protected them from if I could have. Daniel, whose road has been on a hard one of his own making. Eli, whose road ended when it didn’t have to. Joksha,  whose stubborn ignorance taught me the meaning of despair. Levi, whose anger taught me my own limits. (Jason and Kyle, wherever you are, I didn’t keep my word to you, and for that I earnestly apologize, all I can say is I have learned my lesson.) Clark, the skinniest guard I ever coached, and the smartest, who taught me you don’t have to be from a harsh situation to be a tiger on the field. And of course, “Reverend Bryce” who made me eat my words. There are many more such young men, I could write an article on each of them. Each has had a life that I was honored to be part of or honored to have them in mine. I carry part of them with me, wherever I may go.

The possibility of my not coaching next year reminds me that there are still stories I wish to see. I want to know how Chris turns out. While he may dream of being the next Payton or Rice, he has the talent to be the next Iguiebuike, Longwell or Janikowski. Of course, he could turn out to be the next Butler or that poor guy from the Jets, but I don’t think so, I have faith in him. I want to have fun seeing Jake and Tyler rack up yards behind Nick and Nick’s blocking. I want to see what Charlie can do when he has two hundred pound linemen in front of him.  I want to see whether or not Garret will find his courage and his voice. There are still things for me to teach, and things for me to learn. That’s why I coach. I can’t speak for other coaches, but each has their own reasons as to why they put up with this craziness. I can just tell you mine. Maybe the next time you feel the urge to second guess that guy who is guiding your children on the football field, or other people’s kids on the TV, try to remember they have their own story too. 

And to you gentle readers, let me say this. Somewhere, out there, is a kid you know who can use some help. Coaching is a great way to do that. It’s tiring sometimes, and asks a lot of you; but the rewards are worth it, if you’re patient. You can help children achieve great things by being their coach, most of them not on the field of play. Think about it. As always, thanks for reading.

Do you think you could prepare a team to defend against a variety of attacks, from Full House to Five Wide passing with only an hour and a half practice a week? How about your offense? Could you prepare them to face everything from a 5-4 to a 3-3-5 and expect to be consistent? Now…do it without scouting. OK, still think you can do it…how about trying it with rookie players? Finally…how about trying it with players who have never touched a football? Sound a little more difficult? Add in weight restrictions and in some cases limits as to what type of defense/offense you can run, and the disparaging phrase, “Just a Youth Coach,” becomes a bit of a misnomer.

Youth football is where many of us start in this profession that we all love. Guys just out of College, and even High School, trying to return something to the game, Dads who want to help their kids out, and older coaches who want to get back on the sidelines. I have coached with all of these men over the years. Regardless of their level of training, I found them all to be dedicated in their own way, and all of them hungry for ways to be better. It can be a bit frustrating, however when one runs into higher-level coaches with a provincial attitude. Many times, Youth coaches get the shaft when it comes to dissemination of information, despite the fact they often are the ones who need it the most. They are usually as big a rookie as their players, and need training, teaching, and mentoring to be effective educators. Helping these inspired individuals can be a key to your continued success as a High School or even College coach.

Youth coaches are not stupid. Many of them are intelligent, giving, men, (and women), who are volunteering their time because they love kids. Talking down to them gets you nowhere. Remember, they aren’t stupid…just sometimes ignorant. However, the old problem, of “Well, that’s not they way we did it when I played, and we were city champs…” etc, is a difficult one to overcome at times. Try to remember, many of these guys haven’t seen the field in ten, twenty years, and have vague recollections of what their coaches did, without the understanding as to the reason for the method. Additionally, older drills that were proven to be dangerous, or counter-productive, are still in their heads, though many of us active in the profession know better. To counter that, Youth Coaches need education, and training, just as in any other job. Teaching coaches to coach is probably one of the most frustrating, but important investments of time an upper level coach can make, in this author’s opinion. It feeds quality people back into the sport, it helps the players have a better understanding of the game, and you get better talent further down the line, both in coaches and players.

The two things I needed most when I started out as a Middle School Coach were Drills, and answers to “Why? Why do you do things this way?” Understanding the underlying mentality of things is probably the greatest challenge for the first year coach. The transition from player, knowing your assignment and how that fit into the scheme, to coach, and knowing how all the pieces are supposed to work together, is one of the hardest mental aspects for a first-year Coach. I remember standing on the field in Waconia, Minnesota, during my first game as a coach, and I swear the fans in the stands could hear the CLICK in my head as I thought, “OH…that’s why Coach Krall did things that way!” I am still to this day grateful to Coach Foley and AD Mortensen for their patience with me, and handholding me through this process of learning. From the Bobble-Heads to Middle School, the kids deserve good coaching, deserve people who are trained and have a good comprehension of the rules and the game to lead them on the field.

A clinic for local Youth Coaches helps this process, and gets your message out there. Making your coordinators available for questions, attending a Youth Practice with your Seniors, and showing up to home games can go a long way towards improving not only the Youth Program, but your own as well. Players begin to feel a sense of loyalty, and coaches are more likely to encourage their guys to play for you. It creates a sense of program and of continuity throughout the football community. As well, your conversations with these coaches may generate new ideas for your own team, in helping them overcome the challenges that they face. In the long run, more trained players, more trained coaches, and improved attitudes can lead to better win/loss records, and a better program, now, and in the future. Just remember, despite the fact that the you may have better experience, and get paid, that volunteer youth coach shares something that we all do, at all levels of football…a passion for the game.

Friends are having a tough day today, leaving me grateful for what I possess, and the life I live. Two of my good friends now are going through divorces, one mutual, and one much less so, leaving in the second case, a little boy upset and hurt. I like to think that if, Creator forbid, Michelle and I were to ever split, that we would be more like the former and less like the latter. Vito is our life, and our bond for the rest of our lives, and a conduit I would hope, to force civility between us, no matter the hurt involved. Plus the fact that Michelle and I have so many years between us now of friendship and love, I would hope that too, would give us a basis for civility. 

I hope, dear friend, as you read this, that you are well, and know that despite the bad time you may be having...there is nearly always someone having a worse one than you somewhere. 

Finally done with painting as of last night. While I don't mind painting interiors, two weeks of it was tiring. Sarah, (daughter) came over and helped me out tremendously. For being 11, she was quite the little painter. She chopped at least two hours off my time in finishing the apartment. She rolled both closets for me and helped finish off the small bedroom. She had fun rolling. Like I put it to her, Taping and Cutting in are the vegetables, and rolling is the dessert. 

Nice thing too, having my evenings free again so I can see the boy and wife. Good grief, might even be able to watch a movie or something. 

Moving apartments today. All the chaos of moving stuff over this next two days is gonna suck. I hate turning my life upside down, dumping it into boxes, and then sorting it out again. Even though we are just moving a block...still sucks. My routines get all messed up, and I trip over crap all too easily. 

Wish me luck...tired and grumpy and not wanting to do any of this, but know we need to. 

Just found out darlin' wife, boy and I are all moving THIS weekend, thought we had one more week to do it, but no such luck. SO...in effort to save some cash on double rent, and to help out our landlords who have been really cool to us, am painting both apartments each day after work. *sigh* So you might not see me here for a while.

Being a Manager some days drives me a bit crazy. Its strange how just the attachment of authority changes not only people's perceptions of you, but your perceptions of them as well. I tend to try to be a nice guy...most of the time at least. I have my days where I can be a grumpy cuss, especially if baby boy has not been sleeping well. But if I am nice all the time, I find my little buggers employees taking advantage. Coming in late, etc, which of course then makes ME look like a chump for stuff not getting done. Frustrating in the extreme. I have had to learn the fact of distancing myself from friendship and co-worker. There are a few of my co-workers who I do consider to be my friends when I am not working, but already I have had to write one up for multiple failures to be on time, and another got let go my first week in my new position. Neither has held it against me, but it sucks all the same. 

Yeah...yeah. I know, suck it up, get 'er done, all that crap. It comes with the territory and quit whining ya big baby! Still, for such a slack-ass to have to be in charge of twenty people and not be able to tell them to run, do push-ups or quit hitting like a kitten, makes for a bit of an adventure in psychological Twister for me. On the field, we have a specific set of goals, and and end point to look forward to. With work, its an everyday, no end in sight, just get through the next sale, next week, etc kind of a thing. Some days I swear I want to go back and be just joe grunt employee. (Though I do try to cut down on the grunting...tends to scare the customers.) 

The other factor is I wear two hats as well, being in charge of the Electrical Department as well as being a Supervisor. (Sounds so Lofty when I say it loud! Floor supervisor...now say it slow and do some Sammo Hung action movie moves...Hwwaaaaah! Fllllooooorrrrrrr SSSuuuuupppperrrrviiiiisssssooooorrrrrr...while crashing through a store window or something. Heh)  The thing is it leaves me feeling like I am doing a crappy job at both. I get to where I feel I can't do my Department Cheif job well because I keep getting pulled away, and I feel like I dont do well at being a manager because I am always wanting to tinker with my department. *Bangs head against floor*  That...and add in parenting, football, and trying to actually get something creative done, its no wonder I am crashing out at 10:30 at night.  OK...feel better....all whining done for the day. Well....maybe one more.....WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ok...done now for the day I swear.
_Kak

It's a rainy day here in the misty Humboldt Nation. The boy is  asleep , can hear him snoring on the monitor. My darling wife is off working at the job she used to love and now has trouble concentrating on due to same snoring sleeper. The rain on the roof is one our favorite sounds, from top to bottom. Listening to the fall of the drops; its patter can be soothing at times, and exciting when its storming. 

Came here because of an old flame who I once loved. Something about the holidays brings her to mind. Probably because her birthday is four days after my wife's. 

She and I were quite the pair back in the day. Even though it's been fifteen years, I still think about her on occasions like today, wishing I could have gone back and done things differently. Do I ever wish we were still together? Nah, we were destined to break up some time. We just had entirely different needs and agendas. My lack of ambition frustrated her to no end I know. I do wish I had handled the ending of things with more maturity though. It might have been possible to still be friends if I had been a stronger man. 

Can't knock it though, as the torment I heaped upon myself, as it left me in a position to be ready to accept the love I found ten years later. Its a miracle to me everyday that Michelle, my darling wife, loves me. She helped me get my act together, and grow into a decent human being. Hell, I even took on a NORMAL job for the sake of her and our child. (Yes I know I said two kids, but only one lives with me.) Those who know me are shocked by that, and the fact that I willingly do dishes now. Domesticated Kak, thats me. 

Listening to my boy sleep, its strange how in looking back you can see the events that led you to where you are, and how different it all turned out from what you thought back then. My daughter, who is turning into a beautiful woman, (all too quickly for her Pop) was the one positive that came out of the aforementioned self-wrecking. She has become quite the bright star in the firmament, with her art, her music, and her loving nature. Sarah Brianne De Marino Lanning is gonna be something to reckon with as she grows up, mark my words.

Not that Vito is gonna be any less, to be honest. It amazes me that from such a slacker Father, that I have produced such beautiful, fired-up, gung-ho kids. Vito is moving through life like his ass is on fire, growing so quickly and showing such strength of mind and character at such a young age. I used to think it was just me, until many, and I do mean many people began to comment on how sharp he was. Yet, he doesn't taunt or display it like a prize, he uses his abilities to help his Momma, and to show other kids how to do things. He is another one that I think is going to seriously affect the world around him. I love my kids a lot,  in case you couldn't tell. 

I try to be worthy. I am not always so sure I am, though my wife tries to remind me not to beat on myself too much, or to dwell on the bad I have done, but rather to focus both on the good I accomplished, and the excellent stuff that is NOW. I look at my road behind me, and wish for very few changes. I wish I had been better about my break up with my ex. I wish I had listened to my mother better when I was younger. I wish my father would realize that phone calls and emails are always more precious to his kids than the things he buys us. I wish that I had been stronger in the face of wrongdoing sometimes. I wish I could take back many of the nasty things I have said over the years. I wish I could have helped my friends more. I wish I had been less selfish. But all are wishes into the maelstrom, like feathers in a tornado...gone in a gust, never to be see again. I know I cannot change the past, but only try to learn from it, and fix what relationships I can. 

Sorry, didnt mean this first entry, which no one is likely to read anyway, to be rambling, morose and emotionally squishy. Will try to be a little less...ick, next time.
-Kak